I knew I’d have obstacles. I knew Ed would try to come back. But I didn’t know how. Was I too complacent at the beginning? It was all going so well. Everything was great. Ed had left, vanished, disappeared. I thought I was successful in my recovery. How could I think he would give up so quickly?
One day, I went to Starbucks to do some homework, the Starbucks I had only been to when I was very unhealthy. I was doing fine, working efficiently, until a woman walked into Starbucks. I have never seen someone so skinny and unhappy in my entire life. She was lifeless, alone, dead. She sat down next to me and I began to cry. I’m not entirely sure why, but I know that I just wanted to help her, to help her find someone who could care for her, and tell her that there is hope. I felt nauseous and after torturing myself and staying for 20 minutes, I had to leave. That was the beginning of the downfall. Each day grew harder, feeling a stronger need to please people, counting calories, hating my body, blaming myself for other people’s wrongdoings…the list goes on. I don’t know why it all hit me at once but Ed was coming back full force. With one strong urge to purge, my friend was surprisingly able to talk me out of it and I succeeded.
I have to remember that Ed is still around. He is trying to infiltrate my mind in new mysterious ways and I need to be fully aware and ready to fight back. Now, I move on with my new journey, traveling to Europe for 6 weeks: different food, different lifestyle, different schedule, different everything. But I know that if I could beat Ed once, I can do it again. I’m ready for this trip of a lifetime and I am not ready to let Ed take that away from me.
